I'm new here and would really love the opportunity to meet FTMs for romance. I'm tons of fun to be around and very kind. I'm a post op MTF and have dated within my community before and believe very strongly in it.....come say hi, I would like that!
Wed, December 19, 2007 - 12:40 AM<<<That is a very good question. I wonder if it has to do with people's past pre-transition experiences....>>>
In my opinion, there are a number of reasons [why more MTFs don't run personal ads with the headline "MTF Seeking FTM"].
For one, "MTF" and "transgender" covers a lot of ground for born-male people (sure, there are female-to-male crossdressers as well , but the numbers pale in comparison to their MTF counterparts). Many male-to-female crossdressers readily i.d as "transgender" and "MTF", and they run a ton of online and print ads, seeking partners (often just for 1-nighters). A significant number of these folks have spent little or no time in the larger transgender community---- point being, they don't know FTMs exist. In my experience, these are the people who, if asked about it, say "I never really thought about it before. It never occurred to me to seek out an FTM".
2nd reason--- a lot of these ads from crossdressers are almost TOTALLY focused on "penetration". Uh, and, let's say, "body fluids". We've all seen the profiles......
The ads are designed to fulfill specific sexual fantasies. If these folks' fantasies revolve around getting fucked and, as the porn films put it, "facials"....guess what? Once again , not looking for FTMs.
3rd reason that comes to mind--- I've personally known a number of MTF TS women (and crossdressers as well), who said, directly or indirectly, that they felt that being able to attract "a real man" [sic] further cemented their image of themselves as "real women". FTMs, to these people, are either seen as "too feminine", "too trans", "not masculine enough", etc. I'd say that they just haven't met enough transmen.... .
Or maybe these folks really just prefer non-trans guys. Someone socialized as male, with a non-trans history, or with no trans baggage, etc. To each his own.
How many ads or profiles have you seen , from transwomen, referencing a preference for a man who's going to "take care of them", ads specifying that they want a guy who's "generous"? "Financially stable", "successful", otherwise mentioning that a man has to have a certain income level, etc... .
What I've heard is that we're not talking weeding out homeless or lazy people, or people who work at McDonald's. We're not talking profiles asking for someone who's "gainfully employed"--- we're talking "I would not seriously consider a guy who makes less than x a year". [Hmm, and wonder how that plays into the number of heterosexual transwomen who are still single? Unrealistic expectations maybe?]
Most FTMs make FAR less money than most MTFs. (Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get posts about MTF trannys on food stamps.....
True. Very true . Especially transwomen who came out early, never really had "male" lives, etc. Many have been dirt poor, homeless, etc because of their gender. Ditto working class people who transitioned and now don't have 100 grand for expensive facial surgeries, image consultants, who can't afford to shop at Nordstrom's and get makeovers, i.e transwomen who may not be able to "pass" as well , because for some transwomen, it's money that makes the difference between passing vs not passing). But as for all the wealthy or upper middle-class cds and TS women out there who expect a certain standard of living, having lived as male for most of their lives? FTMs making 20 grand a year don't cut it for those folks. They're looking for investment bankers, restaurant owners, pro athletes, wealthy entrepreneurs, business owners (or so they tell me, and so their ads echo). They aren't looking for, and won't consider a relationship with an FTM whose income doesn't match theirs. And for a lot of these transwomen (earning $150,000 to several million a year), newsflash--- there ARE no ftms in their income bracket.
Not really MY theory....the research has already been done--- statistically, most women in the United States will NOT date a short man. "Short" being under 5'9 or so....this from non-trans women who, themselves, aren't particularly tall. A lot of transwomen are even MORE sensitive to the height issue, and don't want to "stand out" (risk being read as trans) by standing next to a 5'5 guy. Many transwomen I've talked to say that even if they aren't worried about being read, they just don't like "feeling big" in comparison to someone who's significantly shorter and/or smaller-framed than they are. It's understandable, to me, that a 6'2 or 6' 1, 170lb transwoman might choose a 6'4, 220 lb guy over a 5'4, 130lb one. Fact: Most transguys ARE short. Definitely under 5'9, often under 5'6.
LOL, that's just the reasons that occurred to me in about three minutes. I'm sure I missed quite a few others.
Sun, December 23, 2007 - 9:34 PMhow about an intersexed female? i don't look like a man i am fem but i do have testacals inside my body as well as overies. i absobed a twin brother when i was a baby and am just now feeling comfratable comeing out i was scard confused still alittle confused but i am liveing day to day acepting who i am.
Sat, December 29, 2007 - 3:51 PMPreviously, I wrote: "I just like seeing that headline.
so simple, so logical. So why don't I see it on every trans dating site??"
I should probably clarify that in my lengthy "list" below, I wasn't trying to say that no transwomen are attracted to or partnered with transguys---I was really, quite literally, talking about the mtf folks who RUN ADS.
And why you will rarely ever see that "MTF Seeks FTM" headline.
Just wanted to be clear.