hi there group!
i'm jesse. i'm a transsexual and i'm seeking a relationship, i think.
i've been out of the dating scene for a while; previously because i was in a relationship and more recently because i felt like i should focus on raising my daughter and getting done with my transfer degree from community college, etc etc. maybe they're excuses, maybe they're good reasons.
so enter my mother who is now starting to badger me to get back into dating. i call my bff to complain and she says my mom's right. i was gonna keep calling friends but the last time my mother and my best friend agreed on something...actually that's never happened.
so how does one meet cute relationship-minded girls these days? i figure once we've got that figured out the filtering for being okay with transness and okay with my having a kid can come along later. i tried match.com but concluded it felt much like adult friend finder. if i want that that badly, i can hand my child to my mother and go pick up someone at the dyke bars. not really my scene or my desire though, thanks...much less paying for a listing. i mean i'm prepared to deal with the drama (dating is never easy for the twenty-something MTF) and the annoyance in furtherance of love.
so yeah. sites you suggest? any tips for getting my groove back? etc?
i'm jesse. i'm a transsexual and i'm seeking a relationship, i think.
i've been out of the dating scene for a while; previously because i was in a relationship and more recently because i felt like i should focus on raising my daughter and getting done with my transfer degree from community college, etc etc. maybe they're excuses, maybe they're good reasons.
so enter my mother who is now starting to badger me to get back into dating. i call my bff to complain and she says my mom's right. i was gonna keep calling friends but the last time my mother and my best friend agreed on something...actually that's never happened.
so how does one meet cute relationship-minded girls these days? i figure once we've got that figured out the filtering for being okay with transness and okay with my having a kid can come along later. i tried match.com but concluded it felt much like adult friend finder. if i want that that badly, i can hand my child to my mother and go pick up someone at the dyke bars. not really my scene or my desire though, thanks...much less paying for a listing. i mean i'm prepared to deal with the drama (dating is never easy for the twenty-something MTF) and the annoyance in furtherance of love.
so yeah. sites you suggest? any tips for getting my groove back? etc?
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Re: getting back into the swing of dating
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 6:21 AMhi jesse. I don't mean to be a smart-ass, but are you sure you want to get into a relationship? I think raising your daughter and finishing up your education is a great idea. I'm a member of adultfriendfinder, but I just go there just to check things out and go to the magazine. I don't even want to even try to get a relationship that way. Dating sites are great, but me, personally, I don't do them. That could be because I don't have a credit card, lol!
Do you have a glbt community where you live at? If you try getting involved with the activities in 'our' community, you would be successful in at least meeting other women. School is great, but I wouldn't try to find a relationship with any of the other students, because for one, (and I'm an adult student myself), the only thing that everyone is interested in is sex and sharing notes. I could be way off base about that, but that's all that I see. But, if you're interested in a relationship out of school, then I would go into the community to find a relationship, or at least a friend with benefits. But first you have to be sure that's what you want to do.
Thanks!
Sebastian -
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Re: getting back into the swing of dating
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 1:30 PMi don't think you sound like a smart-ass at all, actually, for that's a perfectly valid question.
(for the record, i've only been on adult friend finder twice. really. mmm-hmm.)
"the community", at least in Seattle, is a mess, and not a hot mess. it's kind of sad, but i suppose that's life. i have no clue on the school front but my older sister warned me about the same thing you did: it's about who you sleep with and commentary on such (she graduated from the university of washington, i.e. where i'm going this fall, a couple of years ago...forewarned is forearmed, i guess!)
i need to figure out what the heck to volunteer *for* as a way of getting involved, i suppose. that puts my feet back in the water. can't i just go to L Word night at the dyke bar? ;)
(yes, i know the answer's no! thanks for your sage advice and for being my internet reality check, sebastian!) -
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Re: getting back into the swing of dating
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 2:52 PMYou're welcome, jesse.
I'd just hate for it to have you come back here and say that you've gotten involved with someone, at your school, and they've either given you a reputation that you don't want, or can't shake off. The students that I'm in class with are in relationships, and they don't know what healthy boundaries are, they keep getting calls on thier cell phones during class, and the person doing it, seems to take it as a joke.
But if you have no other choice but to go to a bar, may I suggest that you take a friend or your sister with you, just as a safety measure. Their are other avenues to look into. Have you ever tried being a part of your chapter of Pflag? They may not be the greatest place to search for a woman, but you will be in the company of other gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender people that you can socialize with and go to safer places to get back into dating with.
Give it a try and see what happens, and your welcome.
Sebastian -
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Re: getting back into the swing of dating
Mon, March 31, 2008 - 3:14 PMoh, i'm quite alright on my own in the thorougly underwhelming dyke bar. i think perhaps you're thinking "massive meat market" when really it's the same 20 alcoholic lesbians plus a small but variable cast. odds are on it that between sigblings and friends i know someone there anyhow. please note neither siblings nor friends are among said group of 20.
i know all about boundaries, mostly because i've had to learn to set them with my daughter and to a lesser degree with the glorious mess that is my family. if someone wants to run over my boundaries, chances are i'm not sticking around, and i so know to shut my ringer off in class.
mostly i've thrust my energy into cleaning, for it is spring and i must nest. i'm thinking about a lot with respect to the whole dating thing but yeah i'm mostly thinking. it's dangerous, i know... :)
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